You’ll be pleased to know that today I conquered a fear that has been troubling me for a while. For six months in fact.
… I got my sewing machine out of its box. Successfully threaded it and sewed with it 🙂 🙂 🙂
But how could that be scary? … Let me explain.
I had never owned a sewing machine before this summer. The only time I have ever sewn with a sewing machine was at school during Textiles lessons, and I felt woefully inadequate. The machine didn’t make a lot of sense to me and I remember thinking about my Textiles GCSE like it was some kind of joke. Because I didn’t really have a clue what I was doing. However I always liked the idea of sewing and making pretty things. And I was always in admiration of the other girls in Textiles class, who made some amazing and creative things (and who were actually talented at sewing). There were things I wanted to make, but didn’t really know how. I tried to do little hand-sewing projects, but the things I really wanted to make required a machine.
Then this summer I was generously bought a sewing machine as a gift. The lady in the shop showed me how to use it. I tried the pedal. I was nervous but also excited about all the possibilities. I could make cushion covers! And bunting! And bags!
But sadly the sewing machine sat in its box. “I’ll get it out when I move into my new flat”, I thought. “No point getting it out now, only to move in two weeks’ time”.
I moved in. I had no furniture. I decided to wait until I had a space to put the machine and a chair to sit in.
I got furniture. And then I started a new job. “I’ll use it at half-term” I thought.
Half-term came and went. The sewing machine was still in its box. “I’ll use it at Christmas” I thought.
Christmas. I went home. I spent a lot of it in bed ill. I didn’t have the energy to get the sewing machine out of its box.
This was getting ridiculous. The truth was, I was scared to touch the sewing machine, in case I broke it. It was a generous gift and I didn’t want to ruin it. And I didn’t think I would be able to work it. After all, I’d never really known what to do at school, just got by. I made excuses about not having enough time because I knew that getting the precious machine out of its packaging would require me to spend time getting to know how to use it, and learning what to do with all the complicated-looking equipment. Mum laughed when I told her the reason why I hadn’t used the machine yet. I knew it was silly. It was time to get over it.
Last day of the Christmas holiday before work starts again tomorrow. And I finally conquered my fear. It took me a while, but I managed to thread the bobbin, thread the machine and do some stitching. Now I’m thinking of what I can make (must start small!) but I feel that there are lots of new possibilities.
And on that note, as I think about going to work again tomorrow (a potential minefield), I’m going to think about the other possibilities open to me this year. And take the lesson that when you fear the worst about a situation, it is very unlikely to actually happen. But all you can do is have a go. Because you don’t know if you don’t try. You don’t achieve anything by not getting out of your box 🙂